Shallow breathing fades away
With it goes the light of day
I never thought this would occur
But now I’m not quite so sure
Was your love just a willow wisp sprite
Leading me away purely in spite?
In my heart I know that’s not true,
Yet that same heart has been beaten black and blue
It’s almost easier to believe that love was a lie
The unbearable pain is in having to sit by
As some other girl claims what should be mine
You can see in my eyes… I’ve lost my shine.
There comes a time amidst all the lies
When it becomes clear who lives and dies
Everyone just floats along
Pressing repeat on the same old song
Casually wondering why things are so bland
It never occurs to pause and survey the land
The big picture appears to be hidden from sight
It doesn’t dawn on them to simply turn on the light
Just stand up and take a look around
Rock the boat and shatter the shakles that have you bound
Don’t let fear hold you back
Worrying about that which you think you lack
It sounds cliché but you know its true
All you need is tucked away safe within you
They say in ten years none of this will matter
While that may be true, it’s right now that you’re in tatters
Just because something will soon fade away
Doesn’t make it any less important to you today
Those who know this and see the truth
Will survive the test of the photo booth
A single moment, captured in a flash
A single wish, made upon a fallen lash
Sit a spell and gather the balance that you need
Let the scales tip and you will inevitably bleed
You may harm the present, or possibly the future that you see
But your life is yours. Take control, don’t let it be.
Sobbing fills the air
And most of us just don’t care
Because they’re so far away
Its like an eternity and a day
There’s children dying, screaming
While we lay peacefully dreaming
They’re full of sickness, were full of health
They live in poverty — we’ve got the wealth
Some of us try, some of us care
Some of us soar, some of us dare
To leave behind all the critics and haters
And hope for a better life later
Surrounded by beauty I sit and think
how much of this is a lie, black as ink?
maybe all is simply an illusion
brought on by a terrible contusion
day after day I survive this dark fantasy
with a plastic production of ecstasy
everyone tells everyone else they’re fine
only because no one dares to cross the line
and no one looks deep into their eyes
to see beyond all those cruel lies
as I sit and cry my way though the night
I wish I could see the truth and be blinded by the light
those around me tell me to open up
so I pour out my life’s blood, only to find them a shallow cup
they listen for a moment then think “duty fulfilled”
if I continue on their energy is all but killed
yet those same people flock to me, their secrets to tell
I sympathize and listen, trapping myself inside this hell
I go through the daily motions, it seems
as though my life were but a dream
I am quite simply floating around, lost
and now I wonder what may be the cost
I sometimes question if I am still whole
or if I could be — maybe — wandering without a soul
but until my salvation takes shape
I shall wait in silence for my escape
the darkness overwhelms, I’m losing my sight
I watch in terror — leaving me is this beautiful light
it came to save me in my time of need
in the form of a white knight on his trusty steed
he came to profess his undying love
I saw him as a messenger, sent from above
I know he thought it was the truth
but reality is fighting claw and tooth
instead of being loved I’m about to die
and all I can do is watch as the world passes me by
all the brightly colored smiling faces
all the different settings, different places
everything is gone and I just want to go back
but the ability to turn back time is something I lack
I want to be back at that first smile, that small comment
“are you a REAL ginger?” was the question I sent
I find myself wishing for a cloud full of rain
to pour down and wash away my pain
I cant forget how I used to shine
back when that treasure of love was still mine
back then I had a healthy glow from within
now I only try to steady the quivering of my chin
The hurt I feel goes deep down inside
I once thought it conquered, though it’s inevitable as the tide
And though I know this state I’m in is scary
All I can do is hope that I can eventually call it temporary
It may seem as though my hopes and dreams
Are splitting apart and tearing at the seams
I still wish I could but I can’t lie
And tell you it doesn’t hurt to say this but… goodbye
Liar liar pants on fire
Hanging from a telephone wire
It’s just a simple child’s rhyme
But it’s been proven throughout all time
The only thing is that as we grow older
The people who lie grow bolder and bolder
They tell one lie then a few more
And it just leaves me feeling torn
All the little girlies acting so coy
Just to get that one special boy
While I’m in the corner all afraid
Because of the many times my choices have been weighed
I always like a boy but then I get hurt
I feel insecure, I feel like dirt
I promise myself ‘never again’
But I know it will happen, I just don’t know when
Along comes a boy who’s gotta be different, not just the same
Yet he still ends up treating me like I’m just a game
I wonder what’s wrong with me
There’s gotta be something, but what could it be?
I promise not to hurt myself but sometimes it’s hard
I feel like my heart should have its own armored guard
Sometimes all I feel is despair
I wonder if I’m damaged beyond repair
But then maybe someday I think I just might
Look up to see a brilliant white light
And maybe this one will be the real deal
And then my heart will have time to heal
Tired of being just some other girl
All these puffed up boys make me want to hurl
They come whisper sweet nothings in my ear
Later I let fall a glittering tear
Because I know it’s all a potent lie
It has only made me more and more shy
I hold back but my every move they haunt
They jab and poke ‘til they get what they want
I back down with my thoughts messed and muddled
Liquid lamentations form a puddle
I muster what I can of my spirit
But I still can’t stand to sit and hear it
This disgust is my cynical token
Of how I’ve been left jadedly broken
I fight my anger and bite back tears
But I’ve seen too much over the years
In the midst of all this strife
I’ve seen a mother beaten within an inch of her life
I’ve seen a young boy with a novel of words he couldn’t speak
His face bright red, his frustration at a peak
I’ve looked out through the eyes of a little girl
Who didn’t understand all the fuss and whirl
When she was seven she said “no mommy that’s not what I wanna do”
And later ended up crying herself blue
She didn’t wanna live on the streets like she had since she was born
But loyalty to the one that raised her had left her feeling torn
She felt so guilty, she’d let her mom down
And for a long while all she could do was frown
At school she felt isolated and all alone
The others just teased ─ she was all on her own
As a 12 year old she pointed the blame
Blindly at herself, without first taking careful aim
She cried herself to sleep nearly every night
Then woke from a nightmare, screaming with fright
She learned to hide what she was feeling
Outwardly happy, inside she was reeling
She was a “normal” child for a few years
Then began a whole new set of tears
All she wanted was a boy to like her
That should be easy, her friends all seemed sure
But her early trauma prevented teenaged simplicity
And led her to boys who treated her with duplicity
She dealt with these problems with the semblance of a smile
But inside she once again put herself on trial
She once again felt the sharp sting of shame
As she once again believed herself to be at blame
She tried so hard to control what she felt
And ended up with an angry red welt
It was her first attempt at a cut, and it was futile
But she tried again after a great while
Soon enough a ruby red stream trickled down her arm
The endorphin rush blocked what should have been alarm
She repeated it day after day for far too long
Until something inside her just felt wrong
She felt so bad and she couldn’t lie
All she wanted to do now was die
She was just about to do the deed
When she felt an urge she thought shed heed
Unexpectedly she began to pray
Just as the first rays of sun heralded the new day
She got the help from some divine intervention
But there’s something else I think I should mention
This isn’t a fairytale, this story is true
This girl is as real as anyone around you
She still sometimes hurts, sometimes more than most
Perfection is not a quality she can rightfully boast
In fact as she writes this she is fighting her anger, and biting back tears
As she ponders the many things she has seen over her few years
The way my life is, I’m completely effed
At least that’s what I thought when you just up and left
But now that I’ve numbed myself against that awful heartbreak
I’ve found that there are chances I’m still willing to take
One of those chances just happens to have a name
And for once I’ve found a person who doesn’t treat me like a game
He tells me I’m beautiful even when I know I’m not
I thought it wouldn’t happen but my 11:11 wish turned out to be worth a shot
And though sometimes I wanna just go go go
We’ve both decided to take it quite slow
And by that I mean quite simply this:
Just being together is beautiful bliss
My heart could still use some time to heal
So we don’t need to touch and feel
A simple kiss, a loving gaze
Is all that’s needed to put me in a daze
I used to wonder if I did the right thing
But when I’m with him my confidence takes wing
Because in him I’ve found someone to trust
Someone who feels something other than lust
And if he ever saw that I’m the type who cries
He’d be there at once to wipe dry my tears
I no longer feel the need to pout and whine
Because of him I can’t help but shine
